Zombie News: Witch Doctor Sued For Negligence


PAPUA NEW GUINEA — WDR Zecora Femaleficent has recently come under scrutiny due to charges of negligence in a recent zombie ceremony.

Family members of Dominic Jaypilz are outraged, after Femaleficent brought back the chicken, originally sacrificed as part of the ritual.

Lawyers for the Witch Doctor stated, “We regret this tragic incident. However, we are certain that our good friend, the Witch Doctor will be absolved.”

Lawyers for the family however contended in court that Femaleficent misspoke the ritual words. Rather than “Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang”, witnesses claim he said “Ooo eee, ooo ah ah wu tang”.

Military personnel at a nearby U.S. base were called in to deal with the threat, hoping their recently released Zombie-Counter Dominance plan would prove useful. As it does, indeed, seem to list chicken zombies as a potential threat.

Speaking on condition of anonymity, who we shall refer to only as Col. Sanders, informed us that this zombie was not a threat, and that he would in fact testify as such at the negligence hearing. He then proceeded to wipe gravy from his chin.

Zombie Chicken

Zombie Chicken

The public outcry from this incident has been rather muted. Most people on the Island seem to find zombification of family members typical. “Granted,” one tribal member said, “most of the time, the Witch Doctors are on the ball, and chickens don’t come back.”

No word yet if Jaypilz’s family will re-attempt the ritual, as apparently the corpse needed to be fairly fresh. As the investigation has taken close to one month, it is fairly safe to assume he’s no longer a spring chicken.

RIP is our Zombie Correspondent and may be followed on twitter @huskerhaha

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